ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
