You're completely useless in the revolution.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
