My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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