I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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