chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
