I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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