I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
