Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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