just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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