Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
