I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
