i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
