Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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