If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
This house was built for laser tag.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
