Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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