just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize