I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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