What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I am available for nakedness
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
