I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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