ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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