so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
