Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
