let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
