If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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