Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
