So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
