can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
