Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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