I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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