Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Semen is not good for contacts.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
