i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
