As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize