Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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