i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
