The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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