My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
