Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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