I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
