yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
