Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
