Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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