He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Randomize
