I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
