i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
