I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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