what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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