is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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