1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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