Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
