she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
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You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
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I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
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