Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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