Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
a search helicopter?!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
