mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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