I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
