I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
