The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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