If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
