know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
