I intend to get homeless drunk
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
