how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
