U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Four minutes until I can fart!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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