I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
