I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
