Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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