so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
