I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
