were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
