I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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