did you get engaged???
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
