You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
