I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
