if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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