Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
