so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
