We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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