I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
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I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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