Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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