On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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