We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
