You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize