Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
